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ouch!

5/29/2015

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Yesterday it was announced that top ranking FIFA officials were arrested for corruption, racketeering, money laundering, general misconduct, and double parking for more than ten minutes.
Where did FIFA go wrong? Was it that high ranking officials were taking any potential market for a World Cup hosting bid?

FIFA Official named "Claude" has left multiple records of meetings with potential hosts. 

Meeting One:
Interior - Claude's Office
Phone Rings

Claude: Hellooo? Dis is Claude. 
KFC: Hi, I'm Larry with KFC. 
Claude: KFC?
KFC: Yes. Kentucky Fried Chicken. 
Claude: Okay...
KFC: Like I said, I'm Larry, with KFC, and we'd like to host the World Cup. 
Claude: Sure, sure, sure. You have registered with the clerk and paid the consultation fee? 
KFC: Yes, along with a side order of wings. 
Claude: Very good. My first question would be: do you have a location? 
KFC: Sure, we could find some fields, no problem. We have a lot of locations. We're thinking somewhere near the bulk of the stores. Like the US proper. 
Claude: So you're proposing a bid for the United States? 
KFC: Yeah, sure, whatever. 
Claude: Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuggghhh!...Parden me. At times, I burst into opera. It's my nature, of course. 
KFC: Okay, whatever. We good? 
Claude: Hmmm. Tick-tock, tick-tock...What about stands, you know, stadiums? 
KFC: I'm sure Larry can find some place for people to sit. Bleachers, what have you. Or we can build it. It's the thing today, you know. C'mon, whadda ya say? 
Claude: With all due respect, there are many others vying for position. You understand, I hope. Nigeria BP, Cambodia's Golden Triangle, Mitsubishi, MGM Grand and the great Republic of Qatar have all placed bids as well. You know, in Qatar, days can get up to 120 degrees. Ha! Isn't that something? What a perfect location for soccer games! They plan on "creating clouds" above the stadium. Like magic! Isn't that something? 
KFC: We can't promise that. Grease, plenty of it, but clouds? No. We don't need it. Grease. We provide chicken and grease. With a side of biscuits. 
   Just then, Vladimir Putin rang the line, insisting his gift of Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the United States" was missing some pages. On the other line was Claude's wife. "Hold on Vlady, one second...Hello? Honey?...Of course I will bring the eggs, milk and Turbo Carrera. No. I'm with KFC right now. They want to host a World Cup, sell some chicken, yah, yah, yah. Okay, see you then." 
   A great harmony breaks out, as secretaries join into a song and dance. The choreography is satisfactory, at best, but the point is made. "Fa, la, la. Away we go. We must interview, while they must show!" It goes on like this for some time. Actually, within thirty minutes they begin the score from Guys and Dolls. (Oklahoma would be too cliche.) Eventually Claude interrupts, complaining of a cramp in his stomach. A secretary fetches him an Alka Seltzer, and five minutes later they return to the singing, picking up in the second act of West Side Story. Amidst snapping and head bobbing, Claude faces the camera: "It's so gay in the classic sense, isn't it!? If only we had Fred Astaire!" The dancing continues. 

4 Comments

ted x event (ns)

5/28/2015

3 Comments

 
Picture
Picture
Guest Robot operator at TEDx! 
Great fun! A rolling robot is at your command. You tell the robot where to go from your computer using the arrows. Left, right, back, forward. Like a video game. The best part is the robot is equipped with a video camera, connected in turn to your video camera at your computer. You talk to random people. They got a taste of a quiz show. First of it's kind. Your host, bottom right picture. The guest, in the red shirt, is being approached. Like a shark in water!
3 Comments

champions league 2015

5/27/2015

2 Comments

 
It's finally here: Buffon's last run, Pirlo's last run, in the very stadium they won the 2006 World Cup in. What a beautiful time that was. Rome was set alight, as the Italians rode down the streets in cars before the throngs of Italian supporters, standing under the night sky, embracing their first World Cup title since 1982 with Gentile, Rossi, Cabrini, the number four. Almost ten years ago, nine to be exact, that Pirlo and Buffon led that team, beating an extremely talented France, led by an athletic, tenacious defense and Zidaine's last triumph, wearing all white, with golden Adidas shoes, head-butting his opponent in the best way he knew fit. Much of the world embraced Zidaine even more, for illustrating what great drama he still had left. At that stage, at that moment, to head butt someone? Thanks Zidaine, for completing one of the weirdest acts we could have ever imagined going down in a World Cup final. 
What drama will unfold June 6, with Barcelona, clicking on all cylinders with a top three forward line of Messi, Neymar and Suarez? Not to mention the elusively talented Juventus side, guided by Pirlo and veteran goalie, with some new comers and the guy that was "Messi" before the actual Messi came about, the illustrious Tevez. 
2 Comments

blank

5/22/2015

0 Comments

 
0 Comments

game 7, the real nba final (ns)

5/2/2015

3 Comments

 
Picture
The NBA final series is here: San Antonio vs. LA. With the recent growth in power in the Clippers organization, from Steve Balmer taking over, to Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, Matt Barnes, Jordan and others, the team has overshadowed the powerhouse Lakers, taking over as the rival opponent to the forever-talented Spurs. Dating back to the early 2000s, Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Ginobli – alongside other great supporting teammates such as Rose and Bowen – have been going at it on monumental levels with the Lakers, and now the Clippers. While everyone has forgotten about the Wizards, even the Hawks, who’ve had a phenomenal season, and so many have become enraptured with the Warriors’ great year, it is the Spurs and Clippers who – to many – are undoubtedly the best all around teams this season, and, low and behold, they meet in the first round of the Western Conference playoffs! To everyone’s chagrin. “Please,” most people are thinking, “Let them meet in the finals!” But, without a doubt, while all the other teams are fighting away, the real fight is going down on Saturday, in the form of the illustrious game 7, alongside the other “real” fight between Manny and Floyd. 
   While the boxing fight of the century is hogging up air time there will be a tough debate between true basketball aficionados as to which program to watch. LA will host the epic game 7, win or go home, and for Duncan, some speculate this could be his last big game in a Spurs uniform, now at the age of thirty-nine. “They” have been speculating this for years, as Duncan continues to play as though he could lead a team to the finals for the next three-four years. When it counts he steps up and delivers beautiful rhythm passes, the classic Duncan defensive stop, as he blocked Griffin’s attempt at rim in game 5 the other night, a bank-shot from ten feet out, or the classic “bully ball” (as Shaq likes to call it, which Zach Randolph is so good at); grinding and pounding away at the defender, backing into the basket, taking all the spotlight, focusing on no one else except him and the guy trying to guard him, as Duncan does so well. With Parker and Ginobli banged up, Diaw, who – to my knowledge – the all-star who hasn’t become an all-star yet, is taking over in many key situations with defensive stops and unbelievable cat-like agility around the rim in the form of awkward lay ups that Parker has thrived at over the years. He’s like a mix between Rick Fox and Robert Horry, providing all the little plays to make everyone else shine, while also hitting the big shots from outside when needed.
   On the other side, Griffin, who was originally labeled as “only a glamour dunker,” who only a short time ago appeared very weak and timid in posting up, or in the ten–to–fifteen foot jumpers, is now hitting various shots with confidence, carrying an attitude befit for the finals; along with Paul and Jordan, the Clippers are exuding the body language that says “now is their time.” It will all go down Saturday, as a fight, alongside the other “real” fight, and, following suit from the previous games in this match up, it should be toe-to-toe, going down to the wire, with tip-ins at the last second, balls lingering on the invisible cylinder, as the winner will likely win the whole thing in a few weeks time. 


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    (NS) refers to "Non-Soccer" related blog entries, stories and essays.

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    Shane Stay, author of The Euro 2020, The World Cup 2018 Book, Why American Soccer Isn't There Yet.

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