Yesterday it was announced that top ranking FIFA officials were arrested for corruption, racketeering, money laundering, general misconduct, and double parking for more than ten minutes.
Where did FIFA go wrong? Was it that high ranking officials were taking any potential market for a World Cup hosting bid?
FIFA Official named "Claude" has left multiple records of meetings with potential hosts.
Meeting One:
Interior - Claude's Office
Phone Rings
Claude: Hellooo? Dis is Claude.
KFC: Hi, I'm Larry with KFC.
Claude: KFC?
KFC: Yes. Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Claude: Okay...
KFC: Like I said, I'm Larry, with KFC, and we'd like to host the World Cup.
Claude: Sure, sure, sure. You have registered with the clerk and paid the consultation fee?
KFC: Yes, along with a side order of wings.
Claude: Very good. My first question would be: do you have a location?
KFC: Sure, we could find some fields, no problem. We have a lot of locations. We're thinking somewhere near the bulk of the stores. Like the US proper.
Claude: So you're proposing a bid for the United States?
KFC: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Claude: Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuggghhh!...Parden me. At times, I burst into opera. It's my nature, of course.
KFC: Okay, whatever. We good?
Claude: Hmmm. Tick-tock, tick-tock...What about stands, you know, stadiums?
KFC: I'm sure Larry can find some place for people to sit. Bleachers, what have you. Or we can build it. It's the thing today, you know. C'mon, whadda ya say?
Claude: With all due respect, there are many others vying for position. You understand, I hope. Nigeria BP, Cambodia's Golden Triangle, Mitsubishi, MGM Grand and the great Republic of Qatar have all placed bids as well. You know, in Qatar, days can get up to 120 degrees. Ha! Isn't that something? What a perfect location for soccer games! They plan on "creating clouds" above the stadium. Like magic! Isn't that something?
KFC: We can't promise that. Grease, plenty of it, but clouds? No. We don't need it. Grease. We provide chicken and grease. With a side of biscuits.
Just then, Vladimir Putin rang the line, insisting his gift of Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the United States" was missing some pages. On the other line was Claude's wife. "Hold on Vlady, one second...Hello? Honey?...Of course I will bring the eggs, milk and Turbo Carrera. No. I'm with KFC right now. They want to host a World Cup, sell some chicken, yah, yah, yah. Okay, see you then."
A great harmony breaks out, as secretaries join into a song and dance. The choreography is satisfactory, at best, but the point is made. "Fa, la, la. Away we go. We must interview, while they must show!" It goes on like this for some time. Actually, within thirty minutes they begin the score from Guys and Dolls. (Oklahoma would be too cliche.) Eventually Claude interrupts, complaining of a cramp in his stomach. A secretary fetches him an Alka Seltzer, and five minutes later they return to the singing, picking up in the second act of West Side Story. Amidst snapping and head bobbing, Claude faces the camera: "It's so gay in the classic sense, isn't it!? If only we had Fred Astaire!" The dancing continues.
Where did FIFA go wrong? Was it that high ranking officials were taking any potential market for a World Cup hosting bid?
FIFA Official named "Claude" has left multiple records of meetings with potential hosts.
Meeting One:
Interior - Claude's Office
Phone Rings
Claude: Hellooo? Dis is Claude.
KFC: Hi, I'm Larry with KFC.
Claude: KFC?
KFC: Yes. Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Claude: Okay...
KFC: Like I said, I'm Larry, with KFC, and we'd like to host the World Cup.
Claude: Sure, sure, sure. You have registered with the clerk and paid the consultation fee?
KFC: Yes, along with a side order of wings.
Claude: Very good. My first question would be: do you have a location?
KFC: Sure, we could find some fields, no problem. We have a lot of locations. We're thinking somewhere near the bulk of the stores. Like the US proper.
Claude: So you're proposing a bid for the United States?
KFC: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Claude: Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuggghhh!...Parden me. At times, I burst into opera. It's my nature, of course.
KFC: Okay, whatever. We good?
Claude: Hmmm. Tick-tock, tick-tock...What about stands, you know, stadiums?
KFC: I'm sure Larry can find some place for people to sit. Bleachers, what have you. Or we can build it. It's the thing today, you know. C'mon, whadda ya say?
Claude: With all due respect, there are many others vying for position. You understand, I hope. Nigeria BP, Cambodia's Golden Triangle, Mitsubishi, MGM Grand and the great Republic of Qatar have all placed bids as well. You know, in Qatar, days can get up to 120 degrees. Ha! Isn't that something? What a perfect location for soccer games! They plan on "creating clouds" above the stadium. Like magic! Isn't that something?
KFC: We can't promise that. Grease, plenty of it, but clouds? No. We don't need it. Grease. We provide chicken and grease. With a side of biscuits.
Just then, Vladimir Putin rang the line, insisting his gift of Howard Zinn's "A People's History of the United States" was missing some pages. On the other line was Claude's wife. "Hold on Vlady, one second...Hello? Honey?...Of course I will bring the eggs, milk and Turbo Carrera. No. I'm with KFC right now. They want to host a World Cup, sell some chicken, yah, yah, yah. Okay, see you then."
A great harmony breaks out, as secretaries join into a song and dance. The choreography is satisfactory, at best, but the point is made. "Fa, la, la. Away we go. We must interview, while they must show!" It goes on like this for some time. Actually, within thirty minutes they begin the score from Guys and Dolls. (Oklahoma would be too cliche.) Eventually Claude interrupts, complaining of a cramp in his stomach. A secretary fetches him an Alka Seltzer, and five minutes later they return to the singing, picking up in the second act of West Side Story. Amidst snapping and head bobbing, Claude faces the camera: "It's so gay in the classic sense, isn't it!? If only we had Fred Astaire!" The dancing continues.
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