The United States needs to be more of the bad boys of international soccer. Louis Suarez stole some American thunder - Mike Tyson bites; like it or not he collectively represents the United States as our best biter. At the Caanes Film Festival he couldn't move. Were they thinking: is this the former heavy weight champ, who says crazy stuff to his opponent like "i'll eat your children," who went to jail? Yep, that'd be him. And they were also thinking this was the guy brave enough - or looney enough - to bite his competitor on international TV - forever cementing the United States' patent on biting someone in an international sporting event. We may have a legal case on Suarez for infringing on our patent rights. Regardless, Americans are obnoxious people by nature, that's what we are, that's what we do. We're the least liked vacationers around the world; this has been documented; people actually voted - we're the least liked vacationers around the world. Could it be because we travel to places like Sweden and Italy, demanding fries and barbeque sauce from restaurants that don't serve fries or barbeque sauce?
Our players have been raised to think Germany and Brazil are better than us. We're timid, we're complacent. We need to be the bad boys of the game; the Isiah Thomas Pistons of soccer - throw down a couple full nelsons, nuggie some guys. People around the world abhor us anyway so let's ride that wave of hate all the way to the Karate Kid Cobra Kai Johnny and Bobby mid 80s "What?! This arcade game took my quarter? I'm gonna smash the window in! Somebody get a manager over here, now! God, my allowance isn't big enough! I need more quarters, gimme-gimme-gimme!" That's what we are: "Gimme-gimme-gimme. I want more quarters! Gimme some quarters!" How about "Gimme the trophy?"
We need to bully some guys and let them know we were on the field. We need to Dennis Rodman some emotion out of them and get them off their game. They're trained robots. They've been playing pro in farm systems since they were eight-years-old. They're like Eastern European block gymnasts. We need to get in their griddle.
We, the American viewership, should be fed up with the announcers saying, (in their British accents) "Oh they're such gentlemen - they take their beatings so well." We need to ruffle some feathers. Remember when the fans at Wimbledon covered their mouthes in shame for mankind when John McEnroe felt the need to speak to his inner self in a language he called soft, level one, anger? That's where we need to be. During the interview process for new players we need to look for the first guy that loses his temper, grab him, and don't let go. "Him! We'll take him! You're on the team!" Let the people in the stands be well behaved, and try to reverse the negative image we have as world travelers. But let the players on the field be as rancid and obnoxious as a Karate Kid Part I casting call that goes by the name of Johnny, Bobby, the blonde-headed nut bag and the rest of the looney band of motorcycle riding teenage bad boys.
Our players have been raised to think Germany and Brazil are better than us. We're timid, we're complacent. We need to be the bad boys of the game; the Isiah Thomas Pistons of soccer - throw down a couple full nelsons, nuggie some guys. People around the world abhor us anyway so let's ride that wave of hate all the way to the Karate Kid Cobra Kai Johnny and Bobby mid 80s "What?! This arcade game took my quarter? I'm gonna smash the window in! Somebody get a manager over here, now! God, my allowance isn't big enough! I need more quarters, gimme-gimme-gimme!" That's what we are: "Gimme-gimme-gimme. I want more quarters! Gimme some quarters!" How about "Gimme the trophy?"
We need to bully some guys and let them know we were on the field. We need to Dennis Rodman some emotion out of them and get them off their game. They're trained robots. They've been playing pro in farm systems since they were eight-years-old. They're like Eastern European block gymnasts. We need to get in their griddle.
We, the American viewership, should be fed up with the announcers saying, (in their British accents) "Oh they're such gentlemen - they take their beatings so well." We need to ruffle some feathers. Remember when the fans at Wimbledon covered their mouthes in shame for mankind when John McEnroe felt the need to speak to his inner self in a language he called soft, level one, anger? That's where we need to be. During the interview process for new players we need to look for the first guy that loses his temper, grab him, and don't let go. "Him! We'll take him! You're on the team!" Let the people in the stands be well behaved, and try to reverse the negative image we have as world travelers. But let the players on the field be as rancid and obnoxious as a Karate Kid Part I casting call that goes by the name of Johnny, Bobby, the blonde-headed nut bag and the rest of the looney band of motorcycle riding teenage bad boys.
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