concacaf stands for "sissies"

   Does God hate CONCACAF? It seems that a CONCACAF team will never reach the semi-finals. No matter how hard they try, no matter how well they play, God will smite them down in the quarterfinals. Can I please get to the semis? “No, No…No.” Apparently God’s never taken an improv class, or seen Yes Man starring Jim Carey. Wouldn’t it be more interesting, God, if you, say, put Costa Rica into the semi-finals? Talk about saying “yes” to something totally, completely insane. Talk about ruffling some feathers in the stratified oligarchy of traditional soccer powers. They tried real hard. Mexico went out in the round of 16 again; the U.S. reached their full potential in the round of 16, again (running into one another, running into the referee, complaining about the travel schedule, complaining about bi-lingual referees), and Costa Rica took Holland to penalty kicks, where anyone can win, and even there Holland had an edge. They put in a different goalie at the very end of extra time – apparently a specialist at penalty kicks. He immediately began taunting the kickers by pacing around, pointing at them, talking to them and even reaching out to shake hands. The naïve Costa Rican shook his hand. He should've told him to get out of my face. Don’t pull that crap around here. How about you push his hand out of your face and tell the ref to get him out of your personal space, asking for a card. (Stop falling for their antics; we need to do that to them.) He was flaunting his dominance over Costa Rica. He was strutting over how superior the Dutch are – how much more confident they are. Look at me, a former European Cup champion; a multi-runner up to the World Cup, you cute little wannabe upstart, trying to score a PK on me – here, be so lucky to shake my hand. The Costa Rican politely shook his hand, thinking it was the sporting thing to do, acknowledging the Dutch as the best team never to win the World Cup. I am so honored to be in your presence, Mr. Dutch goalie, called upon solely for penalty kicks. How about “Get that hand out of my freakin’ face?” Make a statement out of it. Don’t shake his hand. He’s playing with you. He’s getting inside your head. He’s saying we’re better than you, and I’m so confident we are that I’m going to psyche you out. The referee allowed the nonsense to take place. He should’ve told the goalie to back off right away, yellow carding him the second time around. The goalie blocked two kicks and out were the Costa Ricans, back home to join the U.S., Mexico and Honduras in shameful CONCACAF-land, where the losers reside; where the unconfident - hand shaking, I’m so glad to be here in your presence you great talented Dutch people - players reside. I’ll just get back to the MLS now, and play mediocre soccer with fancy uniforms.
   Now we’ll all sit back, get ready for the next four years of qualifying, act like this World Cup was a building block for good things to come, and slowly begin to strut our stuff, confidently like a rooster among the other CONCACAF roosters, feeling very sure of ourselves, putting the beat-down on El Salvador, Guatemala and the Bermuda Islands, mocking them for trying to play at our level, patting them on the back and shaking their hand, yet, when the next World Cup rolls around we’ll all hover just a little bit in the presence of greatness, and be too willing to reach out our hand to touch it for just a moment.